June 23, 2017

Even The Rock's biceps can't lift up 'Baywatch'

24 May 2017, 03:41 | Tami Weber


ESC Baywatch

It will work for a few minutes as one thing, but then it will be something nearly completely different a scene or two later, killing any momentum it had built.

As for the women, Kelly Rohrbach will be taking the iconic role of C.J. Parker that caused Pamela Anderson's name to be well-known across the globe.

Although Zac Efron and Alexandra Daddario have not addressed anything about their alleged off-screen romance, the 31-year-old actress seemingly confirmed all rumors when she posted a photo of her and the "Baywatch" actor planting a sweet kiss on her cheek.

Ratings note: The film contains strong language, sexual situations, graphic nudity and violence.

It is precariously saved through the sheer determination and brute force charm of Dwayne Johnson, who stands in as Mitch Buchannon, the steadfast, do-gooder lead lifeguard made famous by David Hasslehoff. "I didn't think I was qualified at all", Johnson shared after announcing Tom Hanks as his running mate. Heck, one guy even builds a different likeness of Mitch out of sand every day because Mitch saved his drowning sister. "I've seen him in real life, his bicep is the size of your head". This is what's good about the R-rated "Baywatch" trailer easily found online. This leaves it awkwardly standing in the middle ground, clinging to any dick joke it can find for safety. For example, early in the movie, Ronnie, aroused by CJ, gets an erection. Even when Johnson's not around to rattle off insult after insult, or flex his ridiculous body in the direction of yet another 80s-style one-liner, his newbie teammates more than make up the difference.

Mitch has no use for the self-absorbed Matt, showering him with insult nicknames-One Direction, High School Musical, Baby Gap-that are the wittiest things in the script.

"Look, entertainment is entertainment", she said. I was never a fan of the show, but I didn't really feel like I needed to be to catch what few references I picked up on, like the slow-mo jokes or references to episode plots from the show, which are pretty much spelled out in the film for the uninitiated. There's a reason Chopra is a massive global star, and she joins Johnson as one of the most charismatic people on screen.

The Bollywood icon loved playing a baddie in the new Baywatch movie.

But after the promising opening, in which we're treated to a joyful parody of The Rock's public persona as a larger-than-life hero of the people, the world of Baywatch seems frightened of its own heightened reality, and this along with the shortage of really amusing jokes makes it an underwhelming watch.

At the risk of sounding like a Debbie Drowner, though, this beach movie sinks.

Stars (of four): 1.5.

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